I had a flash-thought tonight as I was standing in the kitchen. One of those quick blips that pops out of nowhere while you’re making a peanut butter sandwich.
No matter what I’ve done up to this point in my life…the good, the bad, or the ugly…I am going to live my life as if I’m dying. (Yes…I know it’s a song.)
Not the most novel of lessons I suppose…but it was a thought none-the-less and I wanted to get it down in writing before it evaporated. (I know you’ve had the same kinds of thoughts. They’re the ones that leave you energized for a few minutes…make you feel like you can conquer anything…and then POOF…they’re gone…replaced by so-called reality. Excuse the poor writing of this post…I just didn’t want that to happen this time.)
Not what you think…
I’ve mentioned this before…that siezing this day…or carpe diem…is different for me. It’s not about jumping out of a plane…or riding a bull…or traveling Route 66 on a Harley to get the most out of life. (Though the Route 66 deal wouldn’t suck…)
For me it’s less glamorous, but I have no doubt it’s more lasting. I am going to seize the day by recognizing damaging emotions like anger, jealousy, fear, and envy…and basically saying “screw you!” when I feel them.
I see what these emotions do to us…and have done to me…and I just don’t want them to rule my life anymore. The trick is recognizing them when they arrive. I think I’m ready for that now. Thank you for your time. (House lights fade…drop the curtain…and out.)
Lesson: Seizing the day doesn’t have to be temporary bravado masked as “going for it.” It could be about dropping the self-inflicted drama that steals our thirty seconds as we wait for more exciting things to happen.
Examples: If I’m not pissed because I’m at work on a beautiful day (anger) do I not free myself to enjoy that time?
What if I pay no attention to past hurts that spring up in my mind (it isn’t happening NOW, is it?)…won’t I be that much closer to Carpe-ing this Diem? (That’s a total Andy-ism…)
What emotions do you think you could give up today so you are better able to seize it…and actually LIVE it?
When I was 19 years old, I was told by a doctor that I wouldn’t live to see 30 – at least that is what I heard, and I now know was completely false.
I lived my 20′s like a man dying.
I had NO money. I used it as an excuse to party like it was 1999. Toes would curl if I told you what I have done.
The truth I found was this:
1. Have no fear. Fear is the ultimate control by society. If you wonder… have someone Big punch you in the face. You will survive. If you don’t want to get a punch in the face than look at the homeless 50 year olds.
What the hell are people afraid of when a guy can live to be 50 and drink himself almost to death every day?
What makes you so special? what can you do that will kill you?
2. Write and read. Sounds stupid, but all you have in your mind is what you have created or what other people have created.
Quiet times with yourself are a lot more fun when you can replay songs in your mind that you have written.
3. Get a grip and realize that no one knows.
Fuck you and your entitlement.
If you live for death, than the only thing you should live for is children. They don’t deserve your death wish. They deserve life.
Adam
Andy
you hit this one out of the park for me. i woke up early to write, and of course this same subject matter was in my writing this morning. all flows when we are in tune.
the things we dream to do will never be as pleasurable or as alive if we are stuck in the emotions from the past. being present in the moment is to let go of the hurt, the anger, the jealousy, the frustration and realize we feel them as a way to take an inventory of self. what is the emotion trying to teach me? what pattern am I not conscious of? when I feel anger, and allow myself to stay there, it takes me out of my potential, out of the flow of my creative genius so to speak.
thank you for sharing, once again, always appreciated.
Meg
Andy,
I was writing from the heart for sure. Just kind of let things flow. Sorry of I sounded a little angry – don’t read into it – it’s just some of my inner turmoil. When I say ‘you’ I mean it in the general sense.
“F*ck your entitlement” was my less than gracious way of saying that you should ‘seize the day’ but don’t seize it from anyone else. There is a difference in being selfish and self-centered in the pursuit of happiness.
I believe that we live in a society more and more centered around fear. Fear of making a mistake – fear of not wearing a seat belt – fear of some predator lurking in a bathroom.
Bad things happen, but they will happen no matter what we do and how much we worry about them.
So… for me, the first step in Carpe Diem is letting go the daily angst – which is maybe what your kitchen moment was all about.
really liked this post. i agree that it’s not all about “going for it” all the time, sometimes if what you need to enjoy yourself is a coffee and a solo-walk then I think that is what you’ve gotta do.
Not sure if you’re much of a Nickleback fan, but their new song, If Today Was Your Last Day is a pretty good song and it goes along the same lines as what you say. No matter how many times we hear it I think we need to remind ourselves on a daily basis that we should live each day as though it were our last because then we might really live.
I am a Nickleback fan…casually. I’ll check it out. Thanks!
I like the “what is the emotion trying to teach me” part. I think that’s a better way to achieve my goal…rather than just trying to ignore it. I’ll try both and report back…
Thanks Meg!
Whoa…written from the heart no doubt. I’m going to replay some of the songs I’ve written in my head.
I don’t get the “f*ck you and your entitlement” part. Can you expand on that?
I hope I don’t sound like I’m living for death. I’m not living for death…I’m living to live. I don’t think I have a death wish either. In fact I know I don’t.
I DO have fear, Adam. Fear that when all is said and done I didn’t create as much as I could…or experience life because I was afraid to take this step or that. And here’s what’s cool about this…because of your comment…I now know what “The only thing to fear is fear itself.” Wow…that is cool. (I still want you to expand.)
A
Adam…that’s exactly what my kitchen moment was. Angst can be a catch all here…anger, self-pity, hatred, jealousy, envy…all those kinds of things that keep us stuck in a past hurt…or future fear. I agree 100%…our society is driven by fear. (This blog for instance. There is a part of me that is afraid of what people will say or think…but in the end…it’s something I just feel compelled to do. And so I am.)
Thanks for the comment again. I don’t need people to agree with me…it’s just a discussion after all…
Take care, Adam!
Thanks for the comment Chris…glad you liked it and it makes sense to you. Freakin’ hard to remember though…