Don’t Back Down…
This is for all the lonely people. (And the scared…and the defeated…and the love starved…and the sad…and the alcoholics…and the drug addicts…and anyone that has been “blessed” with an uphill climb.)
Don’t back down, OK? Don’t get caught up in your story so much that you let the bastards win. We need you to stand up and shine and show the universe that regardless of what comes your way you WILL face the winds of change and live. You can do it…I promise.
That’s Easy for You To Say…
Yes, I know…it’s easy for me to say because I’m not the one that has to do the fighting. Honestly, I can’t…even if I wanted to. Sorry…I have my own demons to defeat.
But I can say this:
I know what it’s like to feel at the end of your rope…drained and defeated…as you watch people go their merry way…onward in life…not fully grasping how hard it is for you. It used to kill me…made me feel alone and not altogether kind…even jealous. I felt like I didn’t make the guest list to the biggest party on the planet. You know…”life”. Yes…I know what that feels like.
I can say this too:
EVERYONE is fighting some sort of battle…and working to be happy. Some struggles are heavier than others…but this isn’t a contest. Contrary to what you think you see life is not one big party for most people. In fact it’s pretty damn painful sometimes. Legions of people have been there…or are there…so you’re not alone. I guess we’re just one big team of struggler’s, aren’t we? That’s kind of cool because overcoming our struggles brings new energy into this world…and actually makes our Thirty Seconds richer and more alive. But only if we don’t back down in the face of our challenges.
A Few Simple Things to Help You Stand Up…
This is my short list of things you can do to get back up after taking a universal pop in the kisser. I use them to this day…and even though they don’t bring instant results…they will help you cope as you gut through your challenges.
- Take note of the people that are rooting for you. Sometimes they’re the people who are closest to you…sometimes not…but they’re there. Even though you and I may never meet consider me a fan. Please know that I want you to hang tough and start working your way up from the end of your rope. I honestly do.
- Acknowledge your situation and sit with it for a while each day. I’m not suggesting you wallow in self-pity because that won’t get you anywhere. I’m also not equating this time with problem-solving sessions. In fact it’s kind of the opposite. Don’t do anything but sit quietly and feel what’s going on inside you and around you. That’s all. It might sound stupid but it will get you through some seemingly intolerable minutes.
- Look at the good stuff. I know this sounds trite but please take the time to acknowledge what is “good” in your life. It actually helps…and will keep you from getting stuck in poor-me-ville.
- Do something/anything that doesn’t involve ruminating over your poor fortune. This was one of the hardest things for me to do shortly after diagnosis…but it was also one of the most important. Somehow doing “some thing” (it doesn’t matter what it is) seems to put the cosmic wheels of change in motion. It’s subtle…but you’ll feel a small sense of accomplishment somewhere under all those problems.
- Accept responsibility for how you live from this moment forward. I’m sensitive to the fact that events were dropped on you without your permission. It sucks…completely…but maybe this turn of events is life’s way of telling you it’s time to climb a new rope. This could be the turning point you’ve been looking for. Maybe you’re actually lucky!
No matter what you’re facing…please don’t back down. We’re out here rooting for you…because we want you to win. We need you just as you need us. When it all gets too tough just imagine yourself victorious…after the storm…with arms wide open in the warmth of the sun. (I’m sorry to say this too…but I can’t seem to get “I Made It Through the Rain,” by Barry Manilow out of my head.) It won’t be easy…but your endurance can be a source of inspiration for others who are hanging on for dear life. Show them it can be done…because it can…and you will change lives in the process. (Starting with your own…)
I hope the outcome you imagine comes to pass. Here’s the Johnny Cash version of “I Won’t Back Down.” Good luck!
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I was just listening to I Won’t Back Down by Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers the other day
Great post, Andy, great post.
Strange but it helps, doesn’t it? You must check out the Johnny Cash version. An acquired taste to be sure…but I didn’t like the taste of coffee much when I first drank it. Thanks, Agnes…
Andy – I just did three of the things you mention – I took note of the people that are rooting for me; I sat silently for a while embracing but not obsessing about my particular situation; and I looked at the good stuff.
I did all three of these things by reading your post. And then stopping myself, slowing down and really reading it. Thanks.
That’s cool, Dan! I hope it helped in some small way. I’m coming to see that the sitting and not thinking part would be a great way to live our lives. To do it is another thing…I have to keep coming back to the present…but man life doesn’t feel near as tough when I do. In fact…I begin to ask myself why I’m making it so hard…
Thanks again…let me know if you have anything to add…things that work for you…
AK
While reading this post a couple things came to mind about PAST postings you did, one referring to the Serenity Prayer and how I was grateful to you for that reminder of what this prayer has many times done for me or helped me through. Like your point of acknowledge your situation…..and I recently did just that during a bad time and I took the time to recite the Serenity Prayer and actually apply the current situation I was in to each line and it’s amazing how it helps. Just puts things into perspective.
As for music….you know how I feel about the power of it, power of words, power of the sound and often the power of perfect timing when you actually stop and REALLY listen to the words of a song, and how there are times when the song in my opinion is a sign a little boost of help from a Higher Power that they’re hearing our problems, they’re listening and they’re there to support.
Ann…I agree with the music part which is why I’ve added that to this site. It grabs me right in the chest/heart…and teaches much better than a multi-paragraph blog post. Alas…I am not a musician…though I mess around a little bit with it…and songs don’t come easy to me. But…since we’re all connected anyway I might as well share what speaks to me…in hopes that it will speak to other people as well.
I hope others will share “their” songs too. That higher power/god/energy is speaking to us all the time in that way. (Though apparently we’re supposed to bump and grind a little more according to some of the lyrics.)
Stay cool…
Andy, postings like this one, is the reason why I have become a fan of your blog. Thanks for having the courage to say things out loud and sharing it with us.
A lot of things you’ve written, have helped me to fight my battles and I can honestly say that I’m still standing and I won’t back down!
Thank you!
Keep smiling
Evelyn
Awww…thanks, Evelyn. I can’t tell you enough how happy I am to help! We’re all sort of the same…and we need to stick together. “Together we stand…divided we fall,” right? I just listened to “I Won’t Back Down,” again. So simple and powerful…congrats on staying in the ring! Keep me informed, okay?
I will keep smiling. (You rock…)
A
Thank you Andy! and I will keep you posted.
Here is a quote by Bill Cosby that I think could be added to your list above:
“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”
So, in the meantime, I’ll keep smiling, even when I cry…
Cheers
Ev
You’ve told me so many times over the last months how you appreciate my writing and that some posts have helped you. Well now it is my turn to bow my head and say thank you. This was excactly what I needed right now!
I am at an uphill for sure, but I know I will make it. I’m getting fit for fight. I will face my challenges, one step at a time, and I won’t back down, knowing that so many people are rooting for me. I am not alone and neither are you.
Tack! (thanks in Swedish)
You’re welcome! (You’re welcome in English)…
It’s true…there are people who are rooting for you. I don’t know your challenge but you of all people deserve the spoils at the end. Not easy sometimes…I don’t need to tell you that…but we all have to keep creating despite the problems in our lives.
I’m glad it helped. Tack! back…
A
I was delivered some hard news this afternoon. First I cried a bit, then I took a hot bath, and asked God to be with me as I go through this alone. Just now, I happened to read your post Andy, and your words are not only wise but also compassionate. Much of what I try to practice throughout my days. I especially loved “but maybe this turn of events is life’s way of telling you it’s time to climb a new rope.”
A good way to look at misfortune, or what seems to be misfortune. It’s time to climb a new rope, and I just have to keep my eyes open for the right opportunities.
Thanks Andy.
BTW…Iward Sun, you reminded me of the ways that our deceased loved ones are still with us. My former father in law…Jim…passed away several years before my youngest daughter Grace was born. When she was 2 she began holding up her glass at the dinner table and would say “Tack!” to the rest of us. Jim, the grandfather she never met on Earth, was a full blooded Swede. He used to recite the Swedish prayer before each meal. We all acknowledged that he was speaking right through her. Still with us……..puts in all in proper perspective again….In gratitude….Meg
Meg…I’m sorry about the sad news…I really am. I don’t even know what it is but I can tell from your tone that it’s heavy for you. The beginning of a new way of life…which normally follows “bad” news…is never easy…and at least for me…I looked forward too quickly…and missed a lot of what was happening at the time. Does that make sense? I wanted so badly to get away from the hurt and change that I went into fast forward mode. It’s understandable to want to do that…but I’m not sure it’s the best idea.
If I had to do it again I would have seen it for what it was…the beginning of a new life…but kept my feet where they were at the time…no matter how painful it was. (There I go…talking about myself again.)
Please know that like everyone else that has commented here, FB and emails…I AM rooting for you to come out stronger and more peaceful. I mean…that would be the best wouldn’t it? I believe you will. We’ll all work on it together. As I keep saying…life is too short to spend it wishing things were otherwise. (Ironically I’ll bet we get to the new place quicker if we just stay present. I think that’s faith…)
Tack! to you, Meg…(I feel like I’m swearing at you…)
A
Meg: That is a beautiful memory and I believe you are right, we speak to ourselves through each other and echos of what have formed us will come in the most unexpected ways. Bless,
Helen
Andy, your post reminded of a quote I love . “If you find yourself facing a great difficulty in life, like a huge mountain in Tibet that has no passageway, you know there must be a way through.” Great insights, as always.
It’s about the effort then…isn’t it? I suppose nothing worthwhile comes without effort…or commitment…or knowing you can handle it. There’s a lot of chasing for the easiest way. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. I know you’ve got me thinking now…
Thanks for the continued visits…
The writing after the wait was worth it! I truly feel you resisting the opposing force! Your hunger is to awaken others, all of us, to not deprive ourselves of what is already given to us. There are already too many regrets, lets not waste anymore possiblities of what is…please. It is your inner voice Andy. You have much to say & share & you have experienced the value of ‘life’. You will draw in anyone’s searching & just about everyone is. “Don’t just not back down, don’t stay there….make your own reality…Real.” We are all too powerful, He created us this way! ~
Regrets…yes…that’s definitely something I’m trying to get away from. I don’t want to live a life of regret…to be afraid of trying new things…or being afraid of where I am. I know that’s a lot of what this about…not letting life flit by…and then looking back…wishing I had done this or that.
It may seem reckless to some people…to step out of the box…the one I’ve been in that defines me to the outside…but it’s MY life…and if creation is what we’re here for…well I think I’ll just go right ahead do that.
Thanks, Christa!
What a beautiful post. Thanks, I needed this right now.
I’m glad it here for you then. I really am. Thank you so much for checking in. That makes me glad too…
I needed to stop by your blog today. I have begun to rely on your tough-minded pick-me-ups (at least that’s what they are to me.)
Hey…that’s what they’re here for. “Tough-mined pick-me-ups…” I LOVE that. Thanks, Jen! (Hang in there…no matter what…because everything leads to something else. Wow…that wasn’t the most profound thing was it? I’ll work on that.) How’s book sales? (Everyone…Jen published a book! Follow the link above her comment to find out more…)
A
Ah The wisdom of Andy has struck again! As I read this I thought it was like a fresh breath of air.I could feel the sunlight on my face.God bless you Andy for handing out the new rope.I will grasp it and try to hang on.Take care and may God bless your gift of writing and may he give your more wisdom to impart.My new friend in cyber world.