I Have Some Questions for You…
We have one life, you and I. One crazy, short parcel of time to live a life we are fortunate enough to have. If I was one of those inspirational speaker guys I would say something like, “You need to live your life…or life will live you.” You know that kind of thing, right? Yeah…I’m not going to say that because it’s not my style and I’m clearly not very good at it.
Instead I’ll ask you this: are you actually living despite the problems and challenges you are facing…or are you waiting for them to go away before you start to actively participate in this thing called life?
I know that there are some deep dark feelings pulling at you…and looking up from the bottom of the well can make everything seem so hopeless. I know those feelings and I fight them just like you do. But I think I found a way to scale those slippery walls and get out of that well.
Are You Talkin’ to Me?
It’s through questions. I’m asking myself questions all the time about what I want from my life. I rarely go to the “how could this have happened?” or “why me?” pity gala’s anymore. Those types of questions just make me sad and I’d bet anything they do the same thing to you. No…there is a whole slew of questions that get me closer to the top of my well…which is obviously the only way out.
As you know I look at life as flashing by in a mere :30 seconds and I want to make sure I live it while I’m here. I’m looking for a different future and I’m going to get there by asking better questions now…here…today. It goes something like this:
Alright big boy…the clock is ticking here. Exactly what dreams do you want to pursue before you check out? What untraveled roads do you want to have traveled when it’s all said and done? What things, activities, experiences do you keep putting off for another day? Isn’t it about time you get started on them?
I can tell you there is no small amount of guilt in the answers I’m giving because who am I to move forward and enjoy life when someone I love died? And that’s when I pose another question:
Exactly what good comes from squandering my life feeling sad and guilty?
There is nothing good about it and we know it. It’s like we have some misguided belief that ruminating over the loss of a life…or a life situation…somehow pays tribute to someone or something that was great.
I believe a better tribute is to build on the strengths we’ve gained from the people and situations we loved…as well as their loss…and continue on with our story as better versions of ourselves. I am definitely ready for a better version of myself…and I think I’ll get there by asking questions that beg for answers about a better future. What about you? What kinds of questions are you asking yourself? (See? Questions. I’m telling you they are powerful things if used for good and not evil…)
Keep questioning Andy and thank you for reminding me to!
I sure will, Lisa. Thanks for the visit and the comment!
I question that I sometimes ask myself: “Why do I want an easy life?”
It is a good question for sure. Knowing that even muscular strength sometimes comes from gravitational resistance helps me to understand that inner strength is sometimes developed pumping inner iron.
I think that we can enjoy life most when we do not fight against it. Life is what it is.. the sooner we learn to flow with life, and not try to control it, the better off we will be.
Just a few ramblings from this armchair philosopher
Kansas Bob´s last blog ..Alexander Haig, 1924-2010
I agree about going with the flow. The interweb is filled with goal setting and “if you believe it it will be” stuff…but I’m not so sure. I think many, many things can and do happen by setting a goal..viewing a dream and all that stuff…but as you know “life” can jump right in there and give you something no amount of goal setting and day planning can change.
I like your armchair philosophy, KB…I’m going to go read some now. Thanks!
akoehn´s last blog ..Sorry…
Hi Andy.
I can honestly say that I do not engage in dialogues with myself. I have a strong sense of who I am and this makes me feel grounded. I trust myself 100%. I like to keep my mind occupied with creative ideas and I like to focus on other people rather than myself. There are certain things I cannot change but there are so many things I can, and I like to focus on things I CAN do.
Agnes´s last blog ..February sun, coffee stains etc.
You need more voices in your head, Agnes;) I read quite a few notes and messages from people in the cancer world…and people who are grieving. The mind absolutely reels with thoughts about missing…and “how will I go on without them,” or “I don’t want to die.” So…this post is most definitely for those of us who can’t get out of that way of thinking. (I feel lucky because I don’t live there…but there are many people who do.)
Yes…you can do so much…same for the rest of us. Thanks for the visit, Agnes. You rule…
Oh Andy, I hope I didn’t come across as someone trying to belittle anyone’s grieving, or losses — not at all. I live in the cancer world too and I have to face those frightening things every day. I just find that keeping busy is what helps me the most.
Agnes´s last blog ..February sun, coffee stains etc.
Don’t worry, Agnes. I know you’re in the cancer world too…and it didn’t sound like you were belittling anyone. You’re the sweetest. I don’t think you have a belittling thought in your whole body. It’s all good…and as I said…you rule. (You’re a snappy dresser too!)
Andy, One of the most powerful things I’ve learned since Terry’s death is……EVERYONE…..has a story. I have come to know some
wonderful people through general conversation. Who would have ever
known they had lost a loved one just months before. We don’t always
wear our heart on our sleeve….so you never know what someone else
is going through. I question myself constantly as to what my purpose
is now without the love of my life. I not only lost him, but I feel
like I lost my future also. Here’s the thing….I want a future!
I want my life to have purpose and meaning. Until I figure it out I’m trying to remember that it’s not all about me, and just maybe I can reach out to others who need someone to hear THIER story.
Terrific post Andy! It inevitably reminded me of the wisdom of the quote “Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” Of course,that is not to diminish the terrible pain of the loss of those left behind, but perhaps it is a quote worth remembering for those of us who are still here..and questioning.