Part I:
I hope when you are facing problems that seem out of your control you can wait it out and do the best you can until the smoke clears. Actually those kinds of problems offer little else in the way of options but to let them come and let them go away.
Those problems will go away and you might just be a better human being because of them. (In the meantime…it’s not a bad thing to repeat “This too shall pass,” to yourself as life has its way with you.)
I think I can make you this promise: that one day you will wake up and realize that there are some gifts buried in the ashes of what you used to think was your life.
There will come a time when you see diamonds at your feet…unearthed by the relentless march of time and the stripping away of ridiculous concerns you once had. You may even feel guilty when you see them…but please…pick them up and show the world what you’ve earned. Hold onto them because they are valuable…but share their beauty with the rest of us.
Part II:
I am starting to feel more powerful again. It comes in small ways…and a little more each day. The lessons and the sadness and weakness are not gone by a long shot…but I’ve noticed something familiar happening inside me every now and again. I think it’s the confidence I once had but it’s a new and improved version.
I feel guilty feeling it…much less writing about it because it seems my Confidence 2.0 came at Laura’s expense. It completely sucks to feel that way because I wish she was here to see it.
Still…there is another part of me that understands that no matter how much I miss her…or how guilty I feel…holding this new confidence…or courage…or whatever the hell it is…holding it back will serve no one. Not her memory…nor her legacy…not anything that she was about…which was dignified strength. (Man, I wish some of you could have met her.)
And so I intend to let it happen…and take the lessons forward and become a better me. I hope that’s what you do when you face a problem that seems out of your control. Take some comfort in the reality that “this too shall pass.” It isn’t easy…but as the saying goes…”no pressure…no diamonds.”
“this too shall pass”…I say that often to myself or verbally for others and the looks I have received from my children over the years…yeah mom, we get it. Andy as for the confidence you have gained it is something to rejoice & celebrate for not only you but for the sake of your beautiful children. Your family needs you to set the example of how to get through this life without their mom and congratulations you are doing just that.
Thanks, Karen. No man is an island that’s for sure…and you’ve helped us along the way.
awesome thoughts andy! it is weird on the days that i feel good about some of my accomplishments since my died. i want to feel good…then the guilt sets him…also i want to share whatever i have done with him and i can’t. i am reading a book about embracing our dark emotions (such as grief) and how to learn from them. i think i like this book better than any of the grieving books i have read so far.
love hearing your thoughts! it is so helpful to me!
alaine
I really am glad to help, Alaine. I really am glad you come here as often as you do. Do you mind sharing the title of the book? I’m always looking for a good read. Thanks so much…
the name of the book is “healing through the dark emotions…the wisdom of grief, fear and despair” the author is miriam greenspan.
i like the fact that is helps us accept our dark emotions and then find some wisdom in them. if you read the book let me know what you think!
alaine
Andy, Glad to hear some courage in that trembling voice. Did you know you were quoting scripture when you wrote this to will pass? Whether you want to believe it or not God is inspiring you to inspire others.Thru your pain you are leading others out of this season in life.Lead on general! And along the way stop and ask God where to now Lord?Not a sermon just a little encouragerment in our journey. Still praying for you and your family! Cindy
I DID know that, Cindy. I think in my own way I’ve been asking that question, “Where to now?” I guess I don’t think on the answer as much anymore. Fear can really get in the way of what we want/know we should do. Thank you for the prayers. That’s amazing…
Andy, You are quite welcome. Far as where to now? Just take time to listen to that small still voice.I love reading your posts.It is like a novel.Looking forward to the next page.Enjoy your day and I pray sucess in your search for all your projects.Still got your back with prayer.Cindy
hi andy…awesome thoughts for those of us that go on living…i am only nine months into having lost my husband and find that it is such a roller coaster. it doesn’t seem fair that he isn’t here to see how well i have handled this situation and it doesn’t seem fair that he is not here to comfort me in this situation. i work so hard at finding the “diamonds” in all this…i do find many diamonds…i just would like to share them with my husband.
my brother in law found a way to help others in memory of my husband. as a family we are buying and donating defibrillators to places that need them. there are 350,000 deaths a year due to sudden cardiac arrest and not ehough places have defibrillators to help save someone in sudden cardiac arrest. we hope to find places each year and give one in memory of my husband. i guess this is our way of paying it forward.
thanks for sharing all your thoughts and ideas! it helps on so many levels!
I get that “I just want to share them with my husband” thing. 100%. (And that’s all I’ll say on that because it’s not necessary for anyone that lost someone they love.)
Donating the defibrillators is such a great thing. I know it’s with mixed emotions that you do that…but I’ll bet money it’s helped you get through. I never really understood that…but I do now. Your comments help me right back…so thank you!
“No pressure, no diamonds” and “painfully beautiful”…two great titles to two great entries. I can imagine it must be hard to go on “without” Laura, but she is apart of the experience of living – having to let go of what we love. And so are the new moments, the endless possibilites, the future laughter, the friends you make, the changes that will take place – a result of love for life!!!
Rootin’ on ya!
Helen
.-= Helen´s last blog ..When the frame of sky expands =-.
I’ve been AWOL here and how great to see your comment when I came back! Helen you are so great. I always appreciate the fact that you read what I write. I hope we meet in person someday. Stranger things have happened…