I woke up with a huge hole in my heart this morning. I think I had a dream about Laura last night…but I can’t tell if it actually happened or if I wanted it to have happened. It doesn’t much matter because in the end it made me miss her again and it was all I could do to get out of bed and start the day.
I muddled through our morning routine…feeling that empty space all the while. I hated it. I wasn’t the best dad either. I hated that too.
After the kids left for school the house was empty and quiet. It wasn’t the comfortable escape kind of quiet…but the lonely kind. The kind that screams, “You’re alone!” The hole was bigger…and I felt like hell.
I decided that today was going to be one of my down days…accepted it…and stumbled into the shower. That’s when everything turned around.
Sing it Baby.
I was deep in my thoughts when I noticed that I was singing to myself. It wasn’t intentional but absent minded. More like humming with a few words mixed in. (BTW it was “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” by the Rolling Stones. Very common for me.)
Something felt good about it so I notched it up a peg and finished out with the complete song. Seriously…I SOLD it! That lead to another song and then another and by the time I was done with my shower I did a short set of Stones deep cuts…and I was a completely different person.
Was the hole still there? Sure…it will always be there in some form or another…but I didn’t want to crawl in bed and wish it away any longer. What I wanted to do was get out there in the world and live this day because it’s the only one I really have.
And that’s what I want to pass on to you today:
I want to remind you to sing your heart out whenever possible…but especially when you’re feeling beat up and alone.
It doesn’t need to be in the shower…though I recommend it because the acoustics are exceptional. You can sing in your car…on your walk…while you’re cleaning up your desk…whatever. Just do it full force and loud and I promise you something will change inside you. Let me know if you try it and how it goes. I’m interested. Really.
[NOTE: Forget about what people may be thinking about you when you're singing. This is easier said than done but I heard a saying once that might help in this regard: "Don't worry about what other people think of you, because they're probably not." Whose life is this anyway?]
Cranking the music has helped me a few times, usually in the car, though.
The song “Love Remains the Same” by Gavin Rossdale got me through a defining moment. The hole will always be there and it hurts, but the people we love reside in our hearts and remain there with us always.
Thanks for the permission to sing and for your ability to turn us from crying to smiling in a single bound.
That’s a good way to put it when it comes to music and singing. Turning from crying to smiling in a single bound. Thanks, Suz!
I am a big believer in singing in the car with my kids..they think i Suck..I know i Suck.. and we can all laugh about how much we all suck singing together..what is it about singing bad that is so funny?..I love getting the words wrong and then being corrected by my 14 year old..who is the “sage of correct lyrics!!”..It takes our mind off of what ever we have going on and reminds us to be humble and not so full of ourselves all the time..I also think that when you have a song stuck in your head..pay attention..those lyrics are sending you a message and are staying stuck there till you pay attention to them..:)
Hey that’s kind of profound there, Tammy. I never thought of that…it being stuck there. Maybe that’s why I keep going to “You Can’t Always Get What You Want…” hmmm? I get the wrong word thing too. Those are some of the funniest things…
Thanks for commenting and stopping by! (Be sure to make your image clickable to your blog BTW. You have funny things to say. No…I’ll never stop on the blog thing…)
Great idea Andy.. songs really do something for us.
I do remember people asking me if I was lonely after my first wife died and I would always think.. no.. not really.. kids are all around.. so I don’t feel lonely.. what I feel is alone.
Anywho.. thanks for reminding us to sing!
Boy if that doesn’t hit it on the head. For sure…
Thanks for saying it perfectly, Bob.
In an email to my Grandma last night, I commented about how amazing it is to me that it can be so noisey in my house, (from all those kids I have…) but I can feel so lonely. Grieving is powerful that way.
Ironically…it was music that dragged me out of my funk last night and a very cool dance party with the little ones that got me smiling again. Music is awesome…kids are too, although sometimes they make me feel like a crazy person. (Only sometimes though…) Your words are priceless Andy…let’s talk soon!
You are priceless, Danni! Thanks for sharing this. Yes…we will talk very soon.
“You can’t always get what you want…But if you try sometimes you just might find…YOU GET WHAT YOU NEEEEEED!!”
I love the saying and it is one of my favourites songs actually!! Haha, I sing it quite often for some reason…
Maybe because I am ALWAYS singing on something! I think it is important to choose your music, especially if you know you are going through tough times.
Sing with all your heart Andy, and let the dreams, memories and thoughts about Laura join in the chorus.
As usual Helen you say things in a such a cute, touching way. I love your last sentence. I don’t know why I sing that song all the time either. It’s just always there. ‘Course I’m a huge Stones fan…that has something to do with it…but it’s probably something more. I’m not going to overthink it. I’m just going to keep singing it. Thanks!
I’ve always believed in the lonely crowd.. we are sometimes most alone when we are surrounded by others.
Music is a great way to encourage ourselves and change our moods. I find whether I sing or just listen, a few songs later I am feeling much better about myself, my day, and my direction.
Life is really hard and its easy to lose sight of what really matters. Every day is a challenge because we have to remind ourselves of who we are. Thanks for the inspiration.
Why do you think we’re so lonely sometimes, Seth? I’m not even sure what I’m asking…but I don’t get what we’re looking for exactly. Maybe it’s to be comfortable being alone. There aren’t many people I know who are cool with that. When I see them or meet them…I admire them. Maybe that’s part of what we can we do to be comfortable and make this life extraordinary. Just be OK being alone. (Alone and lonely are 2 different things…I can see that.)
It IS easy to lose sight of what really matters. I guess when we feel who we really are being alone is easier. (Because most of us are pretty damn cool…)
i am a prime believer in the power of a good tune. there is only music. i actually just wrote something on my recent post on just this. i believe in the music. i’m glad you got through it. may the music keep on singing!
Thanks for the visit (and the add to your blogroll. That was really, really nice of you!) I agree about the music. I had to do it again today. Didn’t have exactly the same effect…but I was in my car. It DID help though…it always does. Take care!
Good for you Andy!
I’ve been singing and dancing lately and it feels sooo good! Sometimes I catch my dog giving me a look that says “you’re totally crazy woman!” and I just smile and keep singing and dancing. The feeling is just too amazing to stop!
I hope you keep singing your heart out… And don’t forget to add a little dance too!
Cheers,
Evelyn
Man I used to dance with my kids all the time. Made watch bad Mick Jagger imitations. Your dog is just mad because he/she can’t carry a tune.
Keep smiling as always, Evelyn