The Good, The Bad, and The Transformational
I’m in the sh*t now. It hurts more than I imagined it would…and I know why: because I thought I earned my stripes and was ready to bring lessons down from the mountain…and enlighten and teach and make a difference…but the fact is that there is more hurt to go. It’s part of my life…and so I have to do what needs to be done…ready or not…here I am.
Bring it on…
Maybe that’s the attitude we need to take when it comes to the hard stuff. You know…stare it down…let it happen…bring it on…and all that. We want easy and good…and if you’re like me you actually think you deserve it.
But who the hell are we to think we deserve only the good things in life? We fight the bad because it doesn’t seem fair…but I think it’s best if we welcome both…because quite frankly you’re going to get both. So bring it on…
Creating You…
I realized something AGAIN this morning:
Brick walls…pain…roadblocks and unexpected train wrecks are not about stopping us…but about creating us. To persevere and solve the tough stuff is transformational. It brings us closer to realizing how powerful we are as individual parts of this crazy dance we call LIFE. Fighting what “is” is not only useless…it may be holding us back from what we can become.
Blah, blah, blah…
If you’re in the middle of your hectic life this might sound like a bunch of new age fluff…another platitude from an inspirational wanna-be. All I know is that it works for me…so if you can…take :30 seconds and let the idea pass through your brain to your heart…and let it sink in. Don’t be surprised if you begin to see your challenges as good things because of what you will be like when you scale those walls. Imagine feeling lucky because you’re life took an unwelcome turn. (Sure beats the hell out of feeling unlucky…)
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I am reading a brilliant book by Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun, called When Things Fall Apart. And this is exactly what she speaks to Andy: we often wait for this painful event to pass and then we will be happy, and then it will be smooth sailing. Yet life is not set that way. There will always be bumps, and sometimes big huge earth quakes that seem to rip our chest wide open and expose all of our old wounds. Try as we might, we cannot avoid pain, it comes with the pleasure.
“We call something bad; we call it good. but really we just don’t know.”
An experience may seem bad, but it could lead to some other fortune, some other new opening in our life because birth always follows death, a literal or symbolic death…
“Awakeness is found in our pleasure and our pain, our confusion and our wisdom, available in each moment of our weird, unfathomable, ordinary, everyday lives.”
And if we work with allowing, and not controlling, we may even find that although life is not ours to control, that ONE experience helped set us free of the illusion in which we were living.
Yep, I can cry and laugh in the same minute………
thanks Andy
Meg
“But we really just don’t know.” Whoa…I’ve been there plenty of times. Still…I hope for the “bad” things from the past to lead to something better. Not controlling is another issue for me…like so many other people.
Thanks for the well thought out comment, Meg. Be good…
A
“The only way out is through.” You have an amazing spirit, Andy. And the reason for that is your honesty. It’s experience talking, not ideas. One can fight and resist all one wants but in the end nature wins. Our nature is to plod on and to make the best of it. And to be happy.
“The only way out is through.” I love that! To be happy…yeah…that’s the goal isn’t it? Why is so hard for us to do that? I haven’t solved that riddle yet…but maybe as a group we can. Though of course it’s probably hard because we think too much…
Take care…and thanks!
Its not so hard to be happy. We as humans create that silliness. We might have distractions sometimes, even earthquakes, but if we remember to look at simple things, joy is there, always. There are ALWAYS reasons to feel happy, we just have to remember where to look. And we have to remember that regardless of our situation, nothing is the end of our world. If I am in the center of a child/parent “hell” moment, (parents know of what I speak), or in a moment of the pain of divorce, and I hear a bird outside, if I take a moment to focus on what the bird sounds like, there is happiness, brings me back to center again. Sounds simplistic? that is because it is…..
I wish I could say I live like this 100%. I cannot, I strive for that. I live this way much more so than even a year ago though. and still there are those times, that I make it harder than it has to be….those are the times I spend too much time in my head. If we spent more time consciously choosing where we focused our attention, we would all be so much lighter. I like that……It is worth working for………..
Thanks for the outlet Andy
Grieving a loss, whether it be a death or a marriage, that sadness takes time. As you know you still feel joy at times, but the overall empty feeling takes time to lift. That does pass if we work through it. I like what Nothing Profound said “the only way out is through.” Not to ignore or fill with distractions, but to allow yourself to feel it.
This too shall pass. I too appreciate your honesty.
Namaste
It’s the time part that is rough part isn’t it? The anxiousness to get to a less heavy spot. No doubt that’s where most of the learning and strength come from. So…I want to appreciate it somewhat. I think that’s the best way.
I’m glad you appreciate my honesty. I appreciate yours as well. (And everyone else who comments and discusses here.) BTW: Nothing Profound ( http://wwwaphorismscom.blogspot.com ) has the coolest blog if you like those tricky truisms that are spelled out quickly. I envy that. I don’t know if you noticed but I tend to be a bit wordy
Meg I think it IS that simple in the end. To look at the “good” instead of the bad. I find that people are generally good eggs…and when we stop and appreciate and NOTICE them…they help us be happy as well. Maybe it gets tough when we come to rely on just a few people for that guidance and stability…and when they aren’t there any longer…we feel a little like the rug is pulled out from under us…and it’s unsettling…and then suddenly we are a bit lost and can get sucked into a spiral…and here I go…talking about the wrong side of the issue.
You’re right…there IS a lot to be happy about…and we should take the time to switch our attention to those things…
Thanks again!
A
It sounds like a struggle Andy…and you must be tired of trying so hard. Let your head rest, let your tears fall if they need to. And allow the feelings to come simultaniously, good, bad and transformational all together. There is no need to be anywhere you are not.
Since you liked my last book advice I’d like to share some more. I have been posting some of Khalil (or Kahlil, both goes) Gibran lately. He is one of the greatest Eastern mystery authors and poets of all time. You might have heard about “The Prophet”? There is also a love poetry collection called “Love letters in the sand”. Absolutely stunning reads with wonderful insights, hope and comfort.
The other tip is more risky. A strange, but beautiful movie. Reflective and spiritual, with science fiction elements, haha. It was released 2006 but I don’t know how big it got in the States. Its called “The Fountain” by Darren Aronofsky (who made “Requiem for a Dream”) Anyway, the movie deals with mortality/ eternal alife with three parallell stories, but the key theme is about a woman with uncurable cancer and her husband who is a doctor and his struggle to find a cure before its too late…needless to say it is moving and well, you can probably relate…
I don’t know if you are up for this at all, but it is a comforting movie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDp-F3Y97ZQ
All the best to you and your family!
You haven’t let me down yet and I happen to have “The Prophet,” so I’ll be sure to read it. I find reading helps a ton…not just when you’re feeling a little down…but overall…in living…there is so much you can learn from reading spiritual/meaningful books.
I agree with you…for anyone and everyone…there is no need to be where you are not. (A brief aside…someone once had a title for me, “How far away I was from where I am.” It actually inspired this post…so I find it ironic and telling that you would say that.)
I’m going to check out the movie as well. I’ve not heard of it…which means next to nothing because I stopped watching movies years ago…for personal and probably stupid reasons. This might bring me back to that…because prior to diagnosis I LOVED watching movies. (Even used to buy screen plays and follow along!)
Thanks so much, Helen. I still love the way you write…